My Head Is About To Explode

1) Oh, so the selfish, self-centered bitch decided to invite me to a house party. Well, I better not make any promises just incase I end up not going... THE HELL WITH THAT. Not showing up until you say you're fucking sorry. Bitch.

2) The more I think about her, the more I get annoyed and generally pissed off about everything. I don't understand why she has to do that to me. She knows how I feel about her, yet she's always talking about other guys. And sometimes she even leaves me hanging with things she had said. I really want to say I hate her now, but I don't know if I can. After all, she's still a *friend*.

My friend asked me to go out for lunch before work tomorrow [today].
I said sure.
But once he said S was coming, I quickly changed my mind.
Fuck that.
I don't wanna be there when I see both of them at the same time.
I'll just be... ANNOYED AND GENERALLY PISSED OFF.

3) ASUS can go fuck themselves with a knife in the back of the head.

4) No prospects. The more I try to look for one, the more I realize that I'm stuck in singlesville for the rest of my life.

That just relieved some tension in my head...

"Uhhh..."

Oh, don't hesitate now.
Tell me where you are.
"I'm at......."
Ya. Keep going. I know where you are. But just say it... c'mon...
"...S's house."
There. Don't you feel a lot better telling the truth? Of course you do.
But being as I always am, nothing will be said. You won't hear about her from me again.
Except I'll always hear about you when I talk to her.
"_____ this, _____ that."
I wish she would just STFU...



On a brighter note, E called me today and wonder where I was cause I wasn't in class.
At least someone thought about me for once...

The Used.

What am I to you?
Just some guy that thinks you're cute, so you're using him because of that?
The only attention he gets is when you need something.
But when he needs something, or even just hinting to it, you turn your back.
But time and time again, he goes back and helps you whenever he can, however he can so that YOU'RE happy.


Oh S.
I hope you have fun partying at Waterloo with him this weekend, while I'm wasting MY weekend doing YOUR assignment for YOU.
What have I become?
What did I do to deserve all of this and none of you?

Choices.

So I'm left with a dilemma upon my hands.

I was planning to upgrade my computer for a long time now. Do I do it? 3 main pieces - Motherboard, Video Card, and CPU will already cost me over $1,000. Plus all the other necessities such as another monitor, case, power supply, CD/DVD-Rom/RW, RAM, and other stuff. It'll roughly end up to be about $1,500. I'm expecting this to run for AT LEAST 5 years or more before I need to do another upgrade. Yes, I'm planning to use this as my crazy gaming rig plus well... just faster performance in every aspect.

But is this a want? or a need?

I've come to the conclusion that it's a want. A desire for something that I don't necessarily need. It's just to fill the void that I'm missing out on all the good games out there and because of the lack of great performance outputting from my current computer. I guess this would be a short-term thing, that it'll just satisfy me but I probably might regret it.

On the other hand, the other side of the spectrum, I have a car. No, not at the moment. But if I start saving up now, I can probably get my dream car sooner than later. Realistically speaking, if I save up for 2 years, I can afford one right when I graduate. And that would be closer to getting the girl. Like Borat says, "Does this car have pussy magnet?"
I definitely want to have that in my car. LOL.

Realistically speaking [and more of a self-goal, like my friend F] of the cars I want when I'm done post-secondary:

1. Nissan Sentra SE-R Spec-V
   Basically, the top of the line of that car. It's worth about $32,000. But I'm going to finance it cause I definitely won't have that kind of money by the time I'm done school.
2. Honda Civic Ex
   I know, I know. A Civic. WHY?! Yeah I'm wondering about the same thing too. My friends all have it, so I'm really trying to STAY away from it. I wanna be unique in the pack. Third highest model of the sedan. Worth about $20,000, which is a huge difference between this and the Sentra.
3. My parent's Nissan Altima GXE
   Worse comes to worse, by the time I graduate, my parents will be on their way to getting a new car. And this gives me an opportunity to save my money even more and just fix up their car and drive it till it won't drive no more. But why? It probably won't have it's pussy magnet when I get it. LOL.

Unrealistically speaking of the cars I want:

1. Nissan GT-R
   This baby is HOT. OMG. But at a base of $56,000 and top of the line of $72,000, I don't think I can afford it until a few years after I find a stable salary job.
2. Infiniti G37
   Same with the GT-R, but costs a little less at base model.
3. Nissan 350z
   The same AGAIN.

As you can tell, I'm a Nissan freak. I've grown up with Nissan all my life, so it's time for me to show my love for it.

Getting a car is a long-term goal. I don't know if I can do it by the time I'm done school. I guess time will tell.

Living Up To The Name.

Apologies, Glances and Messed Up Chances.

Quite an interesting name for a blog, don't you think? Some names for blogs don't relate to the person at all, but some names do.

Like mine.

Many times I would have to Apologize, make Glances at that someone and/or Mess Up by not taking the Chance that was given to me.

Such as today, I was at a local library with a classmate, figuring out some Java programming. And next to us, a gorgeous Asian girl sits down next to us. At first, I didn't really notice her. But as I caught glimpses of her, the more I tried to just stare. But that's way too obvious. The only way for me to look at her was from a reflection on the window.

But she caught me looking. "Crap!" I thought to myself...

So we sit there for 3 hours, doing our own work, minding our own business. I didn't look at her even though I was very tempted to.

Then she got up. Packed her stuff and went into a study room behind us. My friend looks over and sees a scarf on her chair.

"Hey man! I think that's her scarf! Go give it back to her!"
"You sure?!"
"Ya I'm positive that's her scarf."
"Why don't you do it?"
"It's better if you do it. You better hurry up before she remembers and gets it."
"OK, I'll do it in 5 minutes."
"Do it now man!"
"Nah! 5 minutes!"

And so FOUR minutes went by, and the inevitable happened - she came out and got her scarf.

DAMN IT.
A chance to know her passed me by. And now I'm left with another "Messed Up Chances" under my belt.

Could she have done it on purpose? I was looking at her reflection on the window as she went into the room and closed the door. She looked at me before disappearing behind the wall...

I knew I should've done it earlier. Me and my fucking 5 minutes...

[Un]realistically speaking.

On the bus, on my way to school. I closed my eyes and let my mind wander off and my imagination took over.

Maybe I'm watching too much TV; too much Heroes. My imagination brought me to my past. I had a vivid image in my mind, that I had bent the space-time continuum and met myself when I think I was 12...
And so I gave myself a list, a list that would change my current self.

1. Do well in school. Don't slack like I did back in high school. Mom said that if I did well, she'll get me a car [which is one step closer to getting the girl, and you will know who that is soon enough.] SO DON'T DISAPPOINT ME!
   
2. Do not skip a year of post-secondary. Apply for it right when grade 12 ends.
3. Apply for UofT Scarborough campus and it's IMPERATIVE that you get into UTSC.
   
4. Apply for PCW. Work at FX for three years straight. DO NOT go for any girls no matter HOW attractive you think they are. You will just be disappointed. Just wait until the third year. You will then meet #18. You will know who that is when the time comes. F____ will help you in realizing what #18 means.
   
5. DO NOT give up on her. She may be hard but she'll be worth it over the mistake I did.
6. WATCH THE LEAFS. BECOME A HARDCORE FAN OF THE LEAFS.
7. Get Leafs tickets from your uncle and invite #18 as much as you can to those games.
8. I think I covered everything you need to know about our future. Don't screw up! I will definitely come back for you if you do!
9. This is ALSO IMPERATIVE. You must, AT ALL COSTS, keep Frank away from "the bitch". You will know who she is when you see her.

My train of thoughts blurred as a firetruck screamed passed the bus and realized that my stop was just around the corner. But thinking back to all these thoughts; this "list". Am I slowly going insane? Have I become obsessed with my mistakes? Is this a sign of regret?

But I'm afraid it's true. I'm still regretting every moment of it. I just wish I can go back in time and fix the damage I've done...

Looking Back...

While going through my old and lost files, I found some interesting things.
But this one was special...

It seems as though, no matter how hard I try; or how apologetic I am, I still feel like my efforts have gone in vain.

Whatever I was trying to fix, won't be fixed tonight. And probably won't be fixed any time soon.
I know I said something wrong; all due to a misunderstanding, but now I feel like I did something worse than that.
I understand where you're coming from, and if I were in your shoes, I'd probably do the same.
I'm sorry for saying the things I said. But I guess it's still not enough, is it?

I know you're still upset.
You don't need to lie.
I can tell: from the echoing slam of the passenger door to the lifeless responses you give me.

Now I'm thinking to myself, why didn't I say anything at Finch station? Or even on the trip there and back for that matter? I wasn't trying to ignore you or tick you off some more, I just wasn't in the mood to say anything after you reamed me out on the phone...

All in all, I'm sorry for saying what I said. I wasn't thinking and I'm definitely paying the price for it now.
I hope this will clarify things up and I hope you accept my apology. This probably won't work if apologizing over the phone didn't, but I guess it's still worth a try...

Wow.
Now the problem is...
I have no idea who this was for.